How to Build Lasting Self confidence and Self-Efficacy
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear, action breeds confidence and courage, if you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it, go out and get busy” Dale Carnegie
Self confidence is a personality trait that all of us need, but seems to confuse and ellude many people.
It’s that first tool that we take out when we are faced with an important situation that requires determination, endurance, will, and focus.
It’s often fear that holds us back, and fear kills self-confidence.
Developing self confidence as an attitude that we use to approach various tasks in life helps us to be honest about our abilities, and keeps us away from the things that cause problems, and screw ups in our daily life.
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”― Lao Tzu
Self confidence isn’t the same as self-esteem, but is connected to self-image; the way we approach a task is determined by the inner image of ourselves.
When that image is intact, whole and clear in our minds as a capable person who is action oriented, then self confidence will be a natural offshoot of the feelings involved.
When we develop the ability to express ourselves with more and more self-confidence, it affects our self-esteem. We become fearless.
Self-confidence will give us courage to go into action and tackle a difficult task. Then when we experience success, it feeds-back into our self knowledge of who we believe ourselves to be, and to what we are capable.
We then begin to see the real self, more clearly
Arrogance can never be shown in actions like self confidence is. To carry out a task with confidence, and to accomplish the task by applying all our knowledge, self knowledge and technical abilities is bolstered by self-confidence — not arrogance.
Arrogance is a strutting figure, a shadow of thought, that is verbally expressed in the hope that it will be understood as confidence and competence.
“People are like stained glass windows, they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within” Elisabeth Kübler Ross
The internet is a tempting place, full of possibilities one minute, then a place full of lies and deceit that next. It is difficult to figure out what’s true and what’s false a lot of the time.
When we live with the principle of honesty, it will reflect more and more in our thinking, our actions and we will see it in the results of what we do.
Authenticity and Honesty
Recently, I see a lot of talk and questions about “Authenticity” on the internet. People asking on forums about “what is authenticity?”, “How can I get authenticity?” — it astonishes me that it isn’t obvious.
You can’t just ´get it`, as if it were an App, or thing to download, or buy. Authenticity is another word for honesty.
The first place honesty begins is in self-knowledge, and learning about who you really are.
If you lack self confidence, honesty will tell you this and it’s only then that you can face up to the problem.
Self-honesty is a building block to self-confidence. Nobody can teach it to you. It is so relevant to your own actions, your personal life, that it must be a decision and an inner action that you decide to put to use in life.
“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.-” Theodore Roosevelt
Honesty and courage go hand in hand, they help develop self-confidence in a person.
It’s only when we are honest with ourselves that we can express to the rest of the world that we live with integrity.
Integrity is the expression of the whole self, the congruent self, where all the things we are fit well together.
If there is a conflicting action of the mind, it will become obvious to other people in your circle. Conflicts in other people stick out like sore thumbs, that feel bumpy in a personality, and cause illogical and clunky ideas in conversation.
A lie, a white lie, and and ignorant use of somebody else’s knowledge is lack of integrity. Pretending to know something when we don’t is blatant ignorance. It can only lead to a total cluster bomb of crap hitting the fan.
Often, lies about who we are are the results of comparing ourselves with others. Using other successful people as a guide works, but to want to be “just like another person”, who lives on the other side of the planet, and presents themselves as successful and competent on the internet, isn’t going to help any of us to find ourselves. We have no idea who they really are.
The hard work of obtaining success in life happens within our minds. Working on self reveals a lot about why we aren’t experiences the results we desire, when we see the problem we can work on them — one at a time. Self confidence keeps us going, it bolsters our feelings each day, and helps us find energy
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Goal achievement is our marker for success. How we stay on course and reach our desired results in the small things and…
There is only one way to obtain knowledge — study and the work that goes with it.
We don’t inherit knowledge, and it’s seldom that a person “picks up” powerful knowledge by hanging out with knowledgeable people.
We get to rub shoulders with smart people, knowledgeable people and some of their self-confidence rubs off on us — that’s really useful, and that influence gives us the will and shows us the way to become more adept at whatever it is that we want to do.
There’s probably more to be learned by listening to an honest person talking about their mistakes in life, than by emulating what they are now doing.
Speaking clearly and Honestly leads to something extremely valuable
Your writing reflects your inner world whether you know it or not.
The way you speak to others reflects your inner world, you can’t hide it, it will always betray itself in your choice of expression, your word choice, the rhythm of speech that you adopt.
An honest person will speak with self-confidence and integrity. When you hear such a person, you will know it. The unshakable expression of thoughts and ideas carry weight that the listening mind can understand.
When we sit down write something, we draw on self knowledge and our confidence in our ability to research and sift through the facts.
The way we present those facts and ideas to the rest of the world must be coherent and in line with reality and honesty.
Tricksters on the internet use deceptive expressions, blatant lies, and promises that sound just right for everybody. They promise all the things that everybody dreams of having — money will buy almost all the things we lack in the physical world. When we don’t have those things, life becomes uncomfortable and after a while we will listen to anybody who might just have a solution to our problems — dishonest people play on those desperate needs that many of us experience in life. They tell you that they will give you what you want, so long as you give them something small. like a few bucks to get you into the program, to buy the book on wealth, or some other quickly plastered together piece of work that has nice wrapping paper.
When I was a teenager I tried all types of businesses. I was really good at sales, so it all revolved around going out and finding people to speak to about my products. finding customers is tough, hard, and sometimes soul destroying work — you burn a lot of shoe leather when you plan to cover all of London.
One day, when I was tired I looked through a magazine and discovered a really good advert.
The copywriting got me right by the desires and made me answer the advert — I sent my money in. It promised me that I could get into the “Silk-Screen Printing business, and make a lot of money selling printed tee-shirts”, most of the advert talked about how much money I could make, how up and coming the silk screen business is and how easy it all is.
I fell for it. two weeks later, I received a parcel with a piece of wood in it — like a 12 inch slat of wood, and a thing that looked like a deck-chair for a doll, and an instruction sheet. No colors, or tee shirts to practice on, and certainly not another word about the business itself.
I’d obviously filled in all of my important questions about the business myself before buying, and received exactly what I was offered. A couple of pieces of wood and a piece of paper. I felt like the guy was saying, “There go, go figure”.
Many a trickster believes themselves to be an honest person, and many of us can trick ourselves, easily. especially when we leave out the difficult facts.
The problem with lack of confidence is that we can easily end up being our own trickster. We are desperate, or feel confused about how to do something, and we have wasted so much time that the idea of going back to the drawing board and studying, or planning something new, seems like a waste of our time.
So, we fall for our own tricks of ploughing into an expensive business idea, or a new pursuit that seems promising but is unlikely to reap any benefits — we only have the tricky power of reason that we use to convince ourselves that we must trust our thoughts.
Honest self confidence comes from working on yourself, it will show great results.
We live in a world that is colorful, broad with ideas and offers, abundant with lifestyles to choose from — all these offer a quick fix to a better life. But we are better to first build that inner armor of self-confidence if we want to hustle in the world of ideas.
To know what you want, to be sure about it, and not be swayed by a huckster with an idea and two pieces of wood is a constant battle in life — we have ourselves, our confidence, and the ability to gain real knowledge through honest hard work that requires integrity and intelligence.